These Are Not My Truths, IX

IX

All I have left,
i hold my hands wide, open,
outstretched,
are my train ride poems-
looking out.

Her mouth smiles,
his eyes do not.

“The first thing you need to learn, girl,”
the other women told me,
“Is never trust your heart,
it’ll always lie to you.

Always.”

I’ve forgotten that rule,
the wholeness I felt

Under his hand, between his
smile,
with words running like sand
in a desert storm,

Scouring skin.

“The second thing you gotta remember,”
they have my attention now,
“Is never let them see
how much it hurts.
Never.”

No idea how long it took me

To learn that one
But I’ve known it
my whole life.

Measure your misery, carefully,
and never start something

You can’t walk away from.