My brother doesn't want to be 'exclusionary'
he seems earnest, if a bit of an asshole
I am shocked to discover
we grew up in the same house.
how did he escape
unscathed?
he stands up for his
disenfranchised parents
and older brother.
I want to ask him,
what about his sisters?
I don't have the words
to explain to him,
to teach him the feeling
of abject failure
of being marooned in a sea of people
who should love you, should moor you,
who should have told you, at some point,
'you aren't what your mother says
you are. You aren't worthless,
aren't stupid, you don't
need
something to cry
about.
you can just,
cry.'
I want to ask him
'Are you going to leave
Your Daughter alone
with him?'
I remain mute,
stubbornly silent,
because all those things
i know.
I'll break in half,
and vomit everything
all those things i know
(or don't know)
i know
(or don't know)
onto him.
Sounds like a painful encounter, especially in your wanting to find a way to explain and not finding it. And what a lost place for a child marooned is. It wasn't about you and your faults, but you know that now and are building the mooring you need for yourself, carefully choosing the people who will tell you the truth and let you be who you are. You're amazing just the way you are.
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